Category: Snark is My Love Language

One Body, One Hope—But it Looks Different

Posted on by Hilarey

I didn’t mean to go so far over my 7 or 8 minute goal in one post. But when I skip weeks, it builds up. There’s a lot of verse links in this one, I hope you double check them all and spend some time pondering their validity. I’d love the conversation.

My favorite recipe app shut down at the start of winter. I wasn’t able to print or bookmark the recipes I’d saved. They are lost to me. It reminds me that years ago I had a daydream where I was reading a digital Bible, and the words started changing and updating to propaganda and lies while I read it. (Since I knew didn’t want to write an apocalyptic novel, I realized my imagination was telling me that I needed to know my Bible, not just know where it’s stored.)

And even still, I prefer the convenience of my digital Bible. Although I use Bible Project frequently, my favorite daily app is Olive Tree. I read through and start over. Occasionally, I try themed reading plans. Every year I am more in awe, and assured it is the Word of God. It always takes me much longer than a year to read through, and I just finished Revelation.

There is a lot going on in this book. And I’m currently contemplating how intriguing it is that even though there is one God, one body, one hope… Jesus Christ introduces and represents himself differently to the seven churches.

To the first church, he introduces himself as the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven lamp stands. Revelation 2:1
To the second, he is the first and the last, who died and came to life. Verse 2:8
Then, he declares he is the one with the sharp two-edged sword. Verse 2:12
Next, he doesn’t have a sword. He tells the church that he has eyes like a flame of fire, with feet of burnished bronze. Verse 2:18
In chapter three verse one he describes himself with a similarity to the first church displaying seven stars. But now, he has the seven spirits of God with those stars.
In 3:7, he is the holy one, the true one. And he has the key of David; he opens what no one will shut and shuts what no one opens.
To the last church in 3:14 he is the Amen. The faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s creation.

Superficially we can look at this is and realize, he’s different to different people. It’s true, you can find God in art, you can find God in science. If something is truly good, it comes from God, no matter the label. And even though Jesus is the only gate, we have to allow that some things look different from our different angles.

We can take that too far, though. The New Testament is clear that rejecting Jesus is rejecting God. We don’t want to risk making a god of our own design and saying all actions and paths lead to him.

Really, all paths lead to decisions. Continually, eventually, your decisions lead you toward or away from the heart of Christ. And just because you acknowledge that Jesus is the gate—or you have said that magic prayer—it doesn’t mean your decisions and actions are still running after his heart.

And, the decisions we need to make each day haven’t changed. I must decide if I am going to do what I want (or eat the fruit) and call my own choices wisdom. Listen, I don’t think Adam and Eve bit down in nervous, regretful, guilt. They rationalized that what they were doing was advantageous, desirous…smart. They elevated their choice with justification and reason. That’s how we end up blocked from the tree of life. It’s how we end up with everyone doing “what is right in their own eyes,” as demonstrated in the historical-chaos-accounts of the Old Testament.

The decision is still to do what he says is best for human flourishing—or to continue tasting and cultivating your palate toward bitterness, rage, anger, or immorality. And rationalizing it.

My path looks different from yours

However, I do giggle at the thought of one church saying to another that God Most High is clearly the one with the sharp, two-edged sword. And the other church replying, “Heavens no, you apostate from hell, God Most High has seven stars in his hand and walks among the seven lamp stands.”

And then the battle ensues. They slaughter each other for generations over the doctrine of swords and stars. Sometimes the church of the seven spirits helps, because after all, they have the commonality of the seven stars, and they can set the lamp stands aside for a minute to get rid of the sword church. Or at the very least, the factions split and they badmouth each other across town while the non-believers look on and roll their eyes.

We are told that our love for each other will prove we are disciples. Why then, is it so surprising that pseudo-love (sex) is more compelling to the world than our division and fear?

We see a greater totality of God when we’re connected to others who are different from ourselves and who see God differently. The church in Asia, the church in Africa, the church in Europe… the church across the street, all have things we don’t know about—and need. When the body is complete, we have access to all the body’s functions and resources. Swords and stars.

There is a similarity in Revelation after Christ introduces himself differently. In each of Christ’s messages to the seven churches, there’s a reward for “the one who conquers, is victorious, or overcomes.”

I believe the promises that follow the admonitions are for all who overcome, even though specific churches needed specific encouragements, and… specific warnings that pertain to particular broken things in their individual culture.

Here is the list of those promises: the one who overcomes gets to eat of the tree of life in the paradise of God (2:7). The one who overcomes will not be hurt by the second death (2:11). They will get some of the hidden manna and a white stone with a new name written on that stone that no one knows (2:17). They will have authority over the nations, to rule. And they will receive the morning star (2:26-28). They will be clothed in white garments, their name will never be blotted out of the book of life and Christ will confess their name before the father and angels (3:5). They will become a pillar in the temple of God, never to leave it. And Christ says he will write on them the name of his God, the name of the city of God…and Christ’s own new name (3:12).

To be completely transparent about why I say all of those rewards apply to all the churches: It’s because I tend to take all the promises from the Bible for personal application—if not direct receipt. I cling to David’s promises in the Psalms as something I have access to. But, to be fair, I also believe all the warnings still apply to me as well. It’s not à la cate: good stuff for me, and the warnings for the Jews.

Your path looks different from mine

This is not the only time God looks different. Our unique brains, cultures and experiences make it difficult to agree on how to build a compost pile, much less how to live in sincere peace with God Most High. So, our multifaceted Christ also pursues us differently according to our individual needs. Sometimes he comes after us like the shepherd who leaves the flock behind, to search us out. Then, carries our trembling hide home with more rejoicing than he has for the 99.

But sometimes, he waits patiently for us to return like the prodigal father. Running to us only after we turn toward home. Waiting until we want him, before he falls on our neck with a kiss.

Sometimes he draws us into the pain of the wilderness to remove our distraction, or semblance of strength, and to see our need. He wants us to experience calling out to him so we can experience his answer.

Sometimes he wants us to wait patiently for him. And don’t think you can experience “patiently” without a difficult stretch of time in longing.

Different reactions to the choice

In the parable of the dinner feast, Christ says in Luke 14:16–24 that many people have excuses for why they cannot come to the feast, or at least come right now. The excuses are interesting to me: owning land, working, getting married. All things greatly valued in American Christendom. Is it not ironic that we preach “Get a job, buy dirt, make a bio family and then you’ll experience God’s blessing…” when those are the specific entrapments that actually kept people from going to the feast in the parable?

We’ll just skip over the obvious parable of the same seed falling on different soil and consider the varied reactions when Paul preached in Athens in Acts 17:22-34. Some laughed, some said they’d hear more later, and some believed. I think the ones who go to church every week, tell other people they’re going to hell, while rationalizing their own discrete sins, are the “We’d like to hear more on this topic” group.

When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead in John 11:44, the people who watched reacted in two different ways. “Many of the Jews, therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed in him, but some of them went to the Pharisees and told them what Jesus had done.” Verses 45 & 46.

Even though a dead man had been restored to life—they were more concerned about upsetting their societal structure, their man-made religious government.

And then, even some of those who believed the miracle of Lazarus still rejected the call to live it out. John 12:42-43 says “Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.”

Different reactions to the ongoing choice

Freewill is obviously destructive to the world. But, don’t forget: freewill from believers hurts people just as much. It is possible to go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of truth. Just because you walk through the gate, it doesn’t mean you loose the dignity of your free choice.

In Matthew 21:28-32 the parable is of two sons—so I think of them as children of God, as believers. Did you think after your wedding day that you would never have another decision regarding your sexual morality? Did you think it would always be the easy, first choice to obey God after conversion? In actuality, once abiding has reigned in some of the outwardly demonstrated sins like rage and drunkenness, you can start to feel the less obvious inflammation of subtle diseases, like jealousy.

Those continual choices of submission, after we come to the Lord, actually increase. The boys in the parable were told to work in the vineyard. One said no, but then later went. One said yes, but did not go. Jesus asked the men who had dedicated their entire life to studying the scriptures, “Which son obeyed?”

These devout men said it was the first who obeyed. Because action matters more than the promise, right? Here’s where Jesus gets insult-y. He replied to them the worst, most unlikely converts, and outcast enemies of your society will enter heaven before you. Verse 32.

Hmm, are there any unlikely converts and outcast enemies according to your church’s “about page”?

We’re missing something if we think either obeyed. So don’t bother giving lip service to God or others about your faith. Prove it with your actions and your love.

The same answer

Ok, so different parts of the body, different angles of view, but our obedience will have similarities. We get hung up on allowable and cultural differences like who’s in the buffet line for sacrificed meat—but submission is evident by fruit of the spirit.

Also, allow that in all our differences, we also grow and learn at different speeds. But make no mistake. Jesus said, if you love me, you will keep my commands. The follower of Jesus won’t be the one who tells others to obey from blog, podcast, pulpit or book. Even Paul said he could be disqualified while leading others to God—if he wasn’t careful. Nor will true followers be the one who merely prophesy in his name…or who do amazing miracles. It will be the one who practices abiding in love and obedience.

We mistake God being for long-suffering with us, as permission, and his long-suffering with others, as participation in evil.

This bucks at the “Grace is so dang cheap, it’s free!” doctrine I’ve met along the way. I’m still working through it, but it jolts me every time I read, “Not all who cry Lord, Lord, will enter heaven. But only the one who does the will of my father.” Matthew 7:21

He is still calling you

Since some will stand before God at the end and be surprised that he says, “I never knew you,” we should rethink the once-saved-always-saved, one-and-done-magic-prayer, and then live-like-hell-in-religiosity (while condemning the unlikely converts and outcast enemies) religion. I used to tell myself that the ones who cried out “Lord, Lord” were probably going to be the other orthodox or Episcopalians. Just some denomination I didn’t belong to and didn’t know much about. But no, I am the church.

And if you think there is submission involved in coming to the end of yourself and understanding that you need God for salvation… ponder the submission it takes to daily choose his way against your desire. To hourly accept letting go of the things you want, and understand, and are familiar, for the things that he says are better.

Believer, he is still calling you to more, to go deeper. Relinquish more. Abide more. Change more. Don’t ignore it. Hebrews 3 says it is an ongoing choice to not turn away from the living God.

Crowds surrounded him and wanted to be tangential to Christ. We can still mingle tangentially, prophesy and weep for the lost—but never submit to God. Because when Christ gave the call to the masses that surrounded him to follow and obey, not everyone did. Some had really good excuses. (Excuses are not the same as clarification, questions and wrestling with God.)

Look how it played out, Peter fell to his knees when Christ told him, “Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.”
When James & John got the call, they left their dad & boat.
But other men he called said, “Let me first bury my dad,” or “Let me say goodbye to my family.”

As an adult, you get to live the life you want. Sure, only within your power and circumstance, but all your justifications, excuses and responses dictate your life. You have this ongoing choice to walk toward or away from the heart of Christ.

Is there anything you are waiting on, or need to take care of, or bury before you answer the call to go deeper?

Don’t waste your time saying goodbye to it.

Praying Naked

Posted on by Hilarey

Even though I only wanted to escape eternal burning and torture, I know my 11 year old conversion was real, because after, I felt compelled to promise to God that I wouldn’t lie anymore. A handful of years later, when I tried to walk away from my faith, I’d actually become so bad at lying that I had to intentionally practice.

I always believed honesty was the best policy: withhold nothing. But truths can lose their significance and feelings change, so it isn’t always wise to unwrap everything. We can give “honesty” just as a way to cut people, with no desire for reconciliation. Because of this, I’ve been thinking of the proverb that calls it wisdom to conceal something, rather than separating close friends.

I know it is partly due to my Enneagram 4 personality to intensely crave authenticity. Sometimes I need to let that go, and grow in this area. Not everything needs to be out on the table all the time.

Because, it isn’t safe to be honest with all people. Sometimes your secret is dismissed as insignificant. Pearls trampled.

Sometimes it’s one-sided. People will expect your vulnerability even though they withhold.

And sometimes, it’s held against you forever. Your honesty will not be forgiven. Picture a doctor who makes a mistake, or the first person to be sorry in a fender bender.

I am as quick to apologize as I am to be honest. And I’ve been told females apologize more. And of course it’s always that question, nature or nurture? When I think about the weird passage in 1st Timothy chapter 2, how a woman should remain quiet—because Adam was formed first and Eve was deceived—I assume women have been apologizing since the fall. Even though man was not deceived (he willfully disobeyed) his first reaction was to cast blame on woman. So our go-to from childhood is, “Sorry about everything, boys. What else can I do to make it easier for you to not sin?”

Joking aside, it isn’t safe to be truthful with all people. But with a warning, admitting that you were wrong is a path to mutual healing when you have actually wronged someone. (If you’ve been wronged, you can heal without them.)

Honesty for honesty’s sake

One thing for sure, our God is not in the business concealing sin without dealing with it. So I definitely don’t mean withholding justice. But that isn’t the same as honesty for honesty’s sake. I heard author Tiffany Bluhm speak this year and she said, “Justice is what love looks like in public.”

There was a book I read a few years ago called Three Kings. It talked about the different ways of handling sin in leadership of your church. It compared Saul, David and Absalom. Basically, it said to not touch the Lord’s anointed. To be like David, and let God remove Saul.

I agree with the book because God did remove Saul. But I disagree in that God didn’t keep David silent or Saul’s sins covered while he did it. The book indicates that God should do the exposing. Too often, people have tried to protect the image of God, or the image of church, by hiding things. If you think you need to protect, falsify, or coverup sin in the body—then you’re either the petri dish or the cancer.

I am honest in my blog and fiction writing, even though it bites me sometimes, because I more frequently hear how helpful and healing it is to others. Certainly, more damage has been done in the church by hiding how we really feel and think and act. So, I press on and work through my reoccurring dream connected to writing: I’m in a crowded public place and need to relieve myself, usually, diarrhea. Typically, I’m desperately looking for a private place. Also typically, the only thing available is a widely exposed toilet where everyone can watch. I wake wondering, how much of my crap should I show?

I’m still working that out.

Laying yourself bare

Before I accidentally deleted my blog, a short post with this same name (Praying Naked) was the most popular on my site. I’ve added several thoughts as I’m now more prone to look at things from multiple angles. Ten years ago, when I first wrote it, someone had told me that I should never pray naked… he said it was especially disrespectful doing something base, such as using the toilet. I guess, because of poop.

I bristled right away. But I wasn’t sure why. Women don’t actually have as much luxury as men for privacy. Even sex is more invasive and intrusive. Pregnancy means you share everything, not just your body with another human. Because sometimes you share it with whoever wants to be part of the miracle by touching you. Doctors are always up inside your business. And then when you give birth, your body will be put on a pedestal for others to watch. You’ll be laying on your back so it’s easier for them to see. And during delivery, sometimes, you poop.

While I discussed that warning to not pray on the toilet, my son told me something he’d read. It was you stimulate a heart change if you physically humble yourself before God.

Basically, the point was to kneel when you pray so get the most out of it. As a result, my son said rarely had time to pray, correctly. I guess the infirm would be out of luck.

Here’s the danger for teachers: humans love dogma and a repeatable self-help path. There seems to be a hope in formulas that might bypass the struggle of faith, with zero sacrifice, and with results one can replicate. The person who found that heart change by kneeling might have had a sincere experience. Maybe also did the man who told me to never do something base while talking to God.

But, I’ve had Norovirus. Anyone who’s had that, dysentery or hepatitis has prayed on the toilet.

Even though mankind started off naked, the idea does come from somewhere. There were laws regarding nakedness in the Old Testament. For example, the last verse of exodus 20, warns them not to expose their privates to the temple steps while they walk up them.

I think the point of laws like that were to make us realize who we approach. God Almighty should induce a little fearful awe. Mount Sinai could not be touched without penalty. The law had to come to do that.

It shouldn’t stay there though. We now approach Mount Zion through Christ. You can call out to God, even with a gross body. You do not need to get dressed and move to your knees, be healed from infections, and then stoically place your palms together. You don’t need to get your shit together first.

The ridiculous idea of needing to cover your nakedness to be presentable to God is worse than missionaries trying to decorate their proselytes in their home fashion. Hiding your baseness from God is your own version of fig leaves, of covering up your own sin. There was a fig tree I loved to climb as a girl. But the leaves were itchy—I couldn’t stand them against my skin. There might be different varieties of fig trees, but the thought of covering my nakedness before God stays with me as a second-rate, hydrocortisone option.

Of course, if this intent is misconstrued, some might think I advocate irreverence. Or that we shouldn’t bow before him. I think if we had a clear picture about what was happening during prayer, we wouldn’t even go to our knees. We’d fall to our face.

We should have reverence. Hebrews 5:7 says Jesus’s prayers were answered because of it. But a few chapters before that Hebrews 4:13-16 says no creature is hidden from his sight. All of us are naked and exposed. Nevertheless, he is a high priest who understands our weakness and we are told to draw near with confidence to receive mercy, grace and help.

No creature is hidden from his sight, naked and exposed

It’s silly to withhold anything from him, even the unsightly functions of the human body. A young woman once shared with me that the comment about not speaking to God while you went potty felt so oppressive, it broke her heart. Because, in her busy life, the toilet was the only minute she had alone with God each day. It is interesting that the Bible mentions not even nakedness can separate us from him.

A book that ministered to me a few years ago was the Liturgy Of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren. It includes a pretty visceral prayer:

“Observant Jews use a prayer called the Asher Yatzar, which they recite after using the bathroom. Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.”

The most powerful prayer warriors I know don’t worry too much about how to approach the God they dearly love. My two prayer partners arrive often and entitled, knowing God will hear them, trusting their father so much that they don’t need him to do what they ask in order to continue in faith. Often because they were told to pray without ceasing and entitled because they believe that they can boldly approach the throne of grace.


Tradition teaches us to bow our heads and get on our knees. Jesus lifted his eyes. Keep in mind it is the condition of your heart which is important—not yoga poses or deciduous matter on your privates.

Remember who you approach: God Most High. Remember why you approach him: Christ made it possible.

Beyond that, I doubt God is any more fazed by your baseness than impressed with your lovely new outfit.

Just as I am

There is a deep need to be known fully and accepted fully. The possibility of the first and not the second, motivates both unneeded honesty and shame. What we are ultimately searching for though, is to have complete naked vulnerability before God. To pray without any shame or anything covered between you and him.

Sometimes it just seems more real when the exposure and acceptance comes from others.

Just make sure it is the right amount of exposure to the right person. Because, I don’t see God’s solution to our sin as returning to the garden nakedness when we go to heaven. Not everything needs to be laid bare to everyone.

Even though nakedness and the tree of life started off our story—the next time we eat of the tree we will be covered in white robes. Figurative or literal? I don’t know, but lift up your eyes and do not be ashamed. Your nakedness is fully seen, known and accepted. He’s got you covered.

My Elevator Pitch

Posted on by Hilarey

I remember when I first moved to the Boise area. I didn’t work outside the home, or know anyone, so at church I tried to introduce myself. Every week.

In the repetition, it started to feel like an elevator pitch. An almost memorized teaser summing up my reason for living, moving, my hobbies, and experiences. Basically, all my labels—in the hopes of a followup question of interest. It became tedious. I just wanted to be known already.

In a few years, I had community. And when I could say that people knew me, my paradigm changed. I became an empty nester. I won’t go into all the details, but many things like work and hobbies, which defined “me” also fell away with my job of full-time-mom-with-kids-in-the-home.

I was without an elevator pitch, except to say, “I’m in pain because I don’t have labels anymore.”

I began searching and grasping to organize my faith. I couldn’t find the book I needed the most, so I wrote it. (Some of you have read it in draft form.) Essentially, it was a way for me to process all the identities and labels that I had worn over my life. And how at some point they were all retired, made meaningless, or became unwanted…

I’d forgotten this until recently, as the conversation about identity keeps coming up. My midlife memoir was partly about holding all labels loosely and accepting only the unique identity that God has for you. It came with a subtitle message that a diverse community was better than matching identities.

Are the following labels, identity, or both?
Gay Christian, divorced Christian, vegetarian Christian, freedom-loving American Christian. What about Christian-first language: A Christian widow, a Christian worship leader, a Christian with trauma? What if you’re bothered by the descriptor “Christian” because of the Salem Witch Trials and the Crusades?

The goal of labels

It’s more than wanting to be known. I think labels are an attempt at grasping to see where you fit and to find your people. Name the enemy. Name the comrade.

Maybe they’re even to feel fully resolved about who you are. Summed up. A finished work before your time. So we can forgo the bother of sanctification and change.

I don’t fully understand all the nuances of Side A, B, X, or Y, so I hope it doesn’t appear as though I have a secret agenda in arguing against the concept of labeling your sexual identity. My context comes from the use of labels like Mom, homeschooler, really-cool-job-title, wife.

And let’s be honest, we can wear an identity we never label. Sometimes our identity is our experiences, trauma, vocation or lens merely because we bring it into every part of life—even though we don’t claim the descriptor in our elevator pitch. It consumes our every thought.

So, while the warning applies that all labels can become identities which supersede your identity in Christ, it is a little more complicated in some conversations, like LGBTQ labels.

I believe that complication stems from our earthly “purpose” to be mated as understood in the biblical mandate to “be fruitful and multiply,” and is somewhat influenced by both modern romance (you complete me) and the purity movement (virgins earn blissful married sex.)

Christians have deified marriage with verbiage like “Marriage is the only piece of the garden that survived the fall,” indicating that a union of two people is the purpose for which we were created, and a little taste of heaven.

So, with the cultural push for Christians to find an earthly love story as a necessary part of their walk with God—gay Christians are inhibited from fully bowing down to this idol with body, mind and desire. Which could be freeing in reality, but in the context of church conversation, I understand why some would want the clarification, “Hey, while we all have to lay down our will and submit to sexual purity as part of sanctification… there is a unique lens for how I experience doing life in a community of Christians. And I need you to know that it is going to influence how I process and receive everything from your statement of faith to your Valentine’s Day dinner advertisement.”

Of course, LGBTQ isn’t the only label that some Christians might need you to know. My church recently had a couples’ progressive dinner. For couples. To meet other couples. Ignorance makes a very narrow set of pews available to divorced Christians.

Look around the sanctuary on Mother’s Day. There is likely someone who flees from the “Mommas, your ministry is the most important one, i.e.: the salvation of a woman is found through childbearing” sermon in tears. Couples grow weary of explaining they aren’t using birth control even though they might not introduce themself as a barren Christian.

If someone views life and service so differently that they can’t interact inside your church without clarification, let them share their label so you can stop hurting them.

Allowing someone to add an adjective to their identity might help remove the shame of hiding. It certainly encourages a second person to share their story. Not so all the gay people can find each other, or the homeschool moms can start a Bible study solely focused around their unique struggles—but so the shame of the struggle doesn’t fester. I wish someone had shared more openly while my kids were younger. I wish they’d heard you could be both same sex attracted and a follower of Christ.

I wish the conversation wasn’t attached to the political election but only to eternal election.

I know that just as prayer can be used for gossip, sometimes confession, or sharing your story, can be an invitation to see how receptive the other person is in joining you in your sin. But more often it feels like there is no safe way to bring light into your darkness. Apparently, there are no parameters (no perfect garden) to prevent all future sinning. Because it also could alienate someone into sin if you communicate, “tamp that down,” through the words, “You shouldn’t be a gay Christian. Just be a Christian Christian, like me.”

Although, that is the goal: to become a child of God without a label. To not look within ourselves to define who were are, but to be image bearers. If our purpose is to reflect God and we are a mirror shining his light into the world, then we want to have the most unmarked surface as possible. (Even though he created us intentionally unique.) There are many names for God, so I have considered that we can be two things at once as well. But it might be worth meditating or contemplating on this if it smarts your pride to let the focus be wholly Him.

All labels will change and lose value. Family members die and you can lose your status as child, spouse, parent. Jobs change. Fluidity. Even though we are sexual beings, not everyone will have sex up to the day they die. I doubt I’ll feel sexual desire when I can no longer feed or wipe myself. If I’n still blogging, I’ll let you know when I get there.

How do you know your label has become an identity?

One of my prayer partners told me, “Identity is more than a characteristic trait. It is who you are intrinsically.” If you want to know whether you have let your label become an identity, see how long you can go without thinking about it or mentioning it.

How many conversations do you have that aren’t about your kids? How many people can you meet without telling them your job title? On the other side, how many days can you go without mentioning what Christ means to you?

You can become just as fixated on the things that you are “not.” Otherwise, the romance book and movie industry wouldn’t profit so much from people who wish they were someone’s beloved. The makeup and plastic surgery industry wouldn’t be able to sell youth. You can live in a space completely obsessed with how broken you are. How much you are not.

Often you won’t realize your identity was an idol until you lose it, or cannot use the name. If the ground shifts underneath your feet without that label, you have built your life on sand. If you are afraid of losing who you are without the description, then you have chosen a false god.

And some of us need to throw that label as far from ourselves as possible. I know my mom said that she never wanted cuss language in her life as a way to differentiate who she was after she became a believer. Cussing was like an identity or label that marked a lifestyle outside of Christ.

A mystery known only to God

I want to share a quote by Elizabeth Elliot which I found in Being Elizabeth Elliott by Ellen Vaughn. It says, “The Christian realizes that his true identity is a mystery known only to God… And that any attempt at this stage on the road of discipleship to define himself, is bound to be blasphemous and destructive of that mysterious work of God, forming Christ in him by the power of the Holy Spirit.“

In our attempt to define ourselves, name the enemy, find the friend, join the club—I think it’s worth reflecting on how Jesus renames Simon to Peter when he calls him in John 1:42.

“Jesus looked at him and said, ‘You are Simon the son of John. You shall be called Cephas’ (which means Peter).” It isn’t the first time in the Bible. Abram is renamed Abraham. Jacob becomes Israel. Saul is changed to Paul.

What if who you are, your label, name, destiny, identity is not for you to name?

Consider Revelation 2:17 “…and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.” I suspect whatever names, job titles, identities or labels you claim now will be renamed just like when God called Simon, Jacob, Abram and Saul.

Coming to terms with a shifting identity is important. So is walking forward in willingness to let it be stripped away. But some are not there yet. I think not letting people judge you for how you handle new moons, sabbath festivals, or refusing meat because of weakness goes both ways. (If you are not in a place to exhort) then do not judge those who need to choose their labels, or those who need to violently disassociate themselves from one.

But when you’re ready to step into uncharted wilderness and grow, let God pick yours.

You Missed the Boat

Posted on by Hilarey

A re-post since I’m cranky that I have covid again. Also, we lost the little guy in this video about a month ago. If sarcasm (the lowest form of wit) annoys you, skip this one.

Originally Posted on April 18, 2022

Who doesn’t miss the good old days? I mean, 1950s ironically upbeat television totally proved how fabulous life was. In the old days, a man could legally punish his wife, women couldn’t own property, and a dad could trade his daughter for a field, or whatever else benefited the clan. Back in the day, there wasn’t a disease a little bloodletting couldn’t cure.

But that’s not exclusively why we miss them. It’s because God was present in the old days.

Right now we don’t know if he’ll come through like in the past. He may have parted the Red Sea, but he could have brought us here into the desert to die. We’ve always seen him faithful before, but he might not be this time…

Nothing is like it used to be. It isn’t a subconscious justification to prove cessation theology when we say the Bible is inerrant and perfect. We just know there can’t be growth in translation philosophies. We could only expect God to help that one time in Latin and we needed the Holy Spirit to change to prevent confusion since we’re devolving.

That’s also because we’ve lost our language and ability to see beauty in words. There’s no hope for our grandchildren to communicate. Instead of “nothing new under the sun,” we should fear because “it’s all new,” and a slightly downgraded version of a changing God who used to move his people but is pretty much done now.

Your parents were better than your children, so you were born too late. He spoke to previous generations, but he’s going to drop this next one because their pants are too tight. We tried to make America great again, but the glory days are over.

And also, you should just be sad because the world is going to end. The promise of life more abundant was a promise with a shelf life. The only promise left is the great apostasy, so stop looking for God’s miracles in your sphere. Lament, not over your sin, of course, but over the way it used to be! 

Actually, be careful of romanticizing the past—you can turn it into something it never was.

God has so much good in store for us. It’s just going to look different. So different, so good, no humankind can comprehend it.   

You may be “Two steps behind the rest, one fingertip too long…” but you didn’t miss the boat. God is still moving and has good plans.

Uncovered

Posted on by Hilarey

I once asked my pastor why a woman had to have her hair covered in church. He gave me so many words that it was clear he didn’t know. During a lull, his wife chimed in something about how a married woman’s hair should be covered, because her husband is over her, and he is uncovered before God.

That pastor ended up cheating on his wife. It seems some coverings have holes.

A husband as a covering

Submission, leadership and washing with the Word… Women want their husband to create an environment where it is safe to submit, for him to lead correctly and to keep truth raining down.

Sometimes, though, a husband’s “covering” can be an excuse for a lazy pursuit of God. Early in my marriage, I thought my husband should initiate Bible study, prayer, and worship. All three, not just one. It’s easier to be thin with a personal trainer & chef, so maybe it’d be easier to follow God if your husband took care of it for both of you.

Without a covering

But then I met unmarried women and women with unsaved husbands who were devout in their walk, and diligent in their personal prayer and fasting. They had to be. They didn’t have a husband-excuse to blame it on.

“It’s not about what you want…it’s about what I want,” he said.

I think it was popular a generation ago to say that the husband is the head, so he’s in charge of everything. Finances being a favorite example in Christian marriage books—regardless of who has the skill or time, or who needs to notice how the spending affects the family. I’ve met a few women from that era who were blindsided when his promise of “I’ve got it taken care of,” left her bereft and penniless at his death.

We are told in the New Testament to submit to him but not given details about what that looks like. And being the boss of everything wasn’t how Christ interacted with his disciples. Using the same example of finances: one of the twelve was treasurer. Christ, as the head, did not control the money bag. Even though Judas was stealing.

How was Christ the “head”? He degraded himself with serving to the point of Peter’s embarrassment.

Even if you are both individually fervent in your pursuit, linking your life to another changes your walk. When only one of you is elevated, man or woman, it’s easy to forget you’re on the same team.

Wives submit to your own husbands…but not like the women in the Bible

In Joshua 7, Achan sinned and stole from the Lord. I often wonder about his wife. Did she submit to him when he brought the plunder into their tent? It helps me sleep to tell myself that she must have helped him hide it. But did she really have a choice when men could divorce their wives and leave them, without education or provision, on a whim? It matters because—when he was caught, his entire family was killed, including her, their sons and daughters. Was it good to submit to him?

I know the most thorough way to punish a man is to kill off everything he loves, his progeny and, therefore, his name along with him. In movies, they even kill his dog. We see it in other places in the Bible as well, like the men who tried to feed Daniel to the lions but ended up being thrown in with their wives and children. So maybe Joshua was showing the severity of disobedience to God. We don’t know if the whole family sinned with Achan. I’m just observing the fact that, as a wife, your husband’s actions affect your life and future. Apparently, even for the chosen, as in this story, but also when Sarah obeyed Abraham. She was rewarded by being sent into a harem, twice.

The Bible makes a point to say that the second man “didn’t go near her,” but not the first. In fact, Pharoah said, “Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her to be my wife?” We talk about how Sarah is in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11. But she is mentioned there because she believed God, not because she let her husband prostitute her. Although, I could be wrong, and it is a credit to Sarah that she submitted in this way. Free agency is a relatively new concept for women.

Submission to a mere man outside the will of God will destroy you. This could be anything from letting him remain abusive to bringing someone else into your marriage bed. Submitting does not mean following him into sin.

There will be consequences for you if you sin.

Submit to God first

Moses was supposed to circumcise his son in Exodus 4, but didn’t. The Lord was on his way to kill him. His wife, Zipporah, could have followed him obediently, but instead, she did the circumcising. She saved Moses’ life by taking charge of the situation.

David wanted help from Nabal but the man was surly and mean. David would have destroyed him and his family. Nabal’s wife, Abigail, could have just submitted. But instead, she took action outside of the will of her husband. It saved her husband’s life and her own. Later, David married her, un-submissiveness and all.

So women risk consequences if they follow their husband into sin and, likewise, they will suffer consequences if their husband is just surly, rebellious, or broken like the rest of us.

However, I believe men will have an individual reckoning because they have been entrusted with more power. And, it isn’t like my soul-health doesn’t affect my husband’s life and future.

A good way to look at it is how Daniel lived in Babylon. He honored the king, but didn’t defile himself with the king’s food. He sought the best thing for the kingdom, but still did what was right even when it was illegal.

Don’t lead him into sin

It can go both ways. Because, if he loves you as he loves his own body, he will bend to your wind. So don’t make the excuse that he is the leader and responsible for both of your sin.

Hamam took advice from his wife Zeresh (and his friends), to build a pole to kill his enemy. In Esther 7:10, Haman himself is impaled.

Jezebel advised her husband in 1 Kings 21 and “There was never anyone like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the Lord, urged on by Jezebel, his wife.” She was eaten by dogs, for her reckoning.

Taking your own initiative

I remember whispers about a woman who went a little wonky in her doctrine. The probable cause? She was attending church without her husband, so it was easier for her to be led astray. As though males are impervious to false doctrine.

I think it’s a misinterpretation/misassumption that females are more likely to be deceived simply because Eve was deceived. If this were true, then by the same measure, since Adam was not tricked, you could say men are more likely to be rebellious and stand by watching their wives sin, flaccidly wondering what’ll happen. Then blame her for it.

How long should a woman wait for a husband’s covering, initiative, leading? Should she wait with her kids as though a covering of a husband can fill in for the blood of Christ? Or should an uncovered woman cut away the extra flesh like Zipporah?

Only Christ can cover you

At the judgement seat, we will stand before God. And sister, you will not be able to say, “It was the man that you gave me, Lord.” That excuse has holes.