How to disrespect your husband

Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Sometimes we women act like martyrs when we discuss respecting our husbands even though they don’t deserve it.

Could you imagine your husband debating whether or not to love you? (especially out loud with other guys or his mom.) I can’t pretend I’m always loveable, but my husband’s love is something I expect.

But I shouldn’t. It isn’t a given–at least since the Bible has to tell us that husbands need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands. My grandmother once told me that the reason the Bible says this is: a man wouldn’t marry a woman he didn’t respect, and a woman wouldn’t stay with a man she didn’t love. However, his love and her respect are not automatic.

In our core group we’re discussing the role of a wife. One of the women wanted to know how to show respect. It doesn’t seem to me that there is any quick way to show respect–but I could think of ways I could show disrespect.

Contradicting him in front of others
Demeaning him in his abilities, occupation or pay–or just planting seeds of doubt
Telling him where he fails you
Letting the kids know his sins
Belittle or nullify his parenting in front of the kids

I don’t think you can force yourself to feel respect–but I know from experience that practicing disrespect brews more.One thing our core group notes claimed is that a husband who feels disrespected will usually respond in one of two ways–angry: to prove his manhood, or meek and henpecked. Both make it difficult for him to feel or express love, and then it starts a cycle.

Men have a big role. We watched Courageous the other night. After the film, I went for a drive with my 17-year-old. He commented about the burden men have, to be the kind of father and husband they need to be. He felt the gravity of manhood.

No man can do it perfectly all of the time. (If you think your husband will–wait until you meet him!) Of course, the whole point is that we cannot be who we are called (as parents, spouses or Christ-followers) without the help of Christ. A woman’s role is just as big–and as difficult–when attempted without Christ’s help.

Men are accountable to God to fulfill their role–but disrespect works against him. A wise woman will build instead of tear down. Proverbs 14:1.

Girls, your turn. Leave a comment of an action that would make you feel unloved.

7 thoughts on “How to disrespect your husband

  1. Joanne Bischof says:

    >Courageous is such a great movie. It's so true about love and respect for our husbands. I'm so thankful we have the Bible to look to as a guide 🙂

  2. Nickalli says:

    >Excellent post! I'm currently studying the wisdom of Proverbs and the wife's role is coming soon! I grew up in a house of disrespectful name calling, I tried it myself, once- 18 years ago. It hasn't happened since, not even to others. An action that makes me feel unloved, that I struggle with, is acknowledgement. I am also guilty of pointing out a failure, misstep, or ignoring before I remember to praise.

  3. Glenneda says:

    >My husband and I have celebrated 27 years of marriage this January but have been together for 30 since I was 15. Respect isnt something we use as a weapon, on our husbands. Its a command from God. And our obedience to this not only blesses our husbands but also says that we have faith and trust in God to take care of all our needs and heal all our hurts and disappointments. I have learned that it is my unrealistic expectations of my spouse that cause me most harm. I take all my issues to God first then talk to my husband. My husband and I share everyday that " I love you second". To remind each other the order of our love comes second to God.

  4. maryannie0611 says:

    >Your piece hit me with an arrow. But, I am glad that I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit to be able to know it. I am studying with the book, "Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer" and it is showing me a lot too about God, life, relationships. Sometimes excess baggage steers us into the mire…maybe I can still become "unstuck"! Keep writing, Hilarey. It was good. Mary

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